The Velvet Café

I’ve always claimed that I come from a dysfunctional family.

When I was younger I used to imagine that this made me special. I thought I was surrounded by broken people with all sorts of issues and messed up relations that could have been brought straight from a Bergman movie. With the exception of my brother and sister no one could possibly understand what it was like to be a member of this particular family.

It took me many years to get real about it. While everyone is a unique and beautiful snowflake, I wasn’t unique in thinking having a dysfunctional family. Everyone has it!

Actually if someone came to me claiming that there family was absolutely perfect and well functioning in every aspect, I would look at them suspiciously since they probably were into deep shit, being so dysfunctional that they didn’t even have the self insight about it.

If you’re looking for people who go through life without ever getting a scar, you’ll have to search among the wax figures at Madam Tussauds (but not in the torture chamber).

However, regardless of what claims we all have about families that are out of order, I know one family that beats us all: the Friedmans.

Their story, or I should rather say: their stories, since there are as many different sides of this as there are family members, are told in the documentary Capturing the Friedmans.

Sexual abuse
I’ve never seen a family as dysfunctional as this one.

The Friedmans was a typical middle class American family, living in a nice neighborhood where the cutting and watering of the lawns in front of the houses was impeccable. One day in the 80s their life shattered as the father in the family was arrested and charged. At first he was accused for owning child pornography, but it didn’t take long before the accusations grew into something far worse. In the end not only the father, but also one of the sons, were sentenced to severe punishments for having abused children sexually in the most horrible way you possibly could imagine.

Did they really commit all those crimes or didn’t they? There are different views on this, even among the family members. Some families stick together in times of trial; this one doesn’t. It falls apart. While the sons believe in the innocence of their father, his wife doesn’t buy into it and refuses to back up her husband the way they’d like her to.

The filmmaker Andrew Jarecki doesn’t take sides. Everyone gets a chance to give their perspective, not only the family, but also police inspectors, the lawyer, the judge and witnesses. We hear those who say there was abuse and others who are certain that the family became victims of mass hysteria, where children made up things just to please the grown-ups. It’s up to the viewer to decide who is most trustworthy.

Authentic documentation
What makes the film stand out as something different to an ordinary piece of investigating journalism is the presence of a huge amount of authentic material.

The Friedmans had the habit to document their lives in video tapes and audio recordings. Those recordings continued even after the family had been thrown into chaos following the arrestments and Jarecki has gotten access and permission to use all this material.

Sometimes we hear about horrible things on the news and maybe we think to ourselves: “poor family, I wonder how they take it”. Usually we don’t know. But in the case of the Friedmans, it’s the opposite, thanks to all those recordings. Nothing was too private to be registered. We’re allowed into places where we usually don’t go. We become witnesses to all the pain, the fear, the aggression and we see how the family breaks down from an inside perspective.

Layer after layer is revealed in the movie and I was fascinated as I watched the story unfolding. I’ve never seen anything like it. The film is made in a clever way, where you think you know how things are, and then something happens so you question what you just thought, and in this manner you’re tossed back and forward in the way you view Friedmans. One moment they appear to be monsters, the next they’re innocent victims of a conspiracy.

Thought provoking
Guilty or not? I honestly still don’t know. The truth is out there.

But instead of the truth, the documentary gave me lots and lots to brood over, like how deceptive our memories are and how different perspectives people can have on the same events, both being convinced that they’re the one who is right.

I won’t deny that the topic is tough. I was gripped, appalled, upset, saddened and frustrated as I watched the movie and on one occasion it made me cry.

If you want something truly thought provoking and an insight into what it’s like to live in a family that really is dysfunctional, beyond the normal middle class self obsession, I can’t recommend it enough.

And don’t miss out the extra material, especially the interview with Jarecki. It’s excellent and added quite a bit to my own appreciation of the film.

Capturing the Friedmans (Andrew Jarecki, US, 2003) My rating: 5/5